Second Segment

PT2

Chapter 22 “Merry Christmas”
Serious
We set sail on the wine-dark sea. For pudding I had iced ice, my stocking stuffer was a kick in the arse. Peleg cried.
Satiric
Bildad parted tearfully with these words. “By all means, praise god almighty, and be sure to wear clean underpants!”

Chapter 23 “The Lee Shore”
Serious
“Here does not lie Bulkington,” was engraved upon the paradoxical safe-peril, the death-life of sea-land. The wind blew too stiff.
Satiric
Alas, poor Bulkington, I knew him well. A character of infinite depth and detail, he suffered death by narrative inconvenience.

Chapter 24 “The Advocate”
Serious
I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a harpoon thrust into the living eye of a colossal sperm whale.
Satiric
Whaling is awesome, and I am a very reliable narrator! Just ask Robinson Gulliver! Get that camera out of my face! *signal lost*

Chapter 25 “Postscript”
Serious
Whale oil is put on otherwise silly kings and queens, like salad dressing or hair cream.
Satiric
Whale oil is put on otherwise silly kings and queens, like salad dressing or hair cream.

Chapter 26 “Knights and Squires”
Serious
“What a piece of work is man.” The meanest sailor I do imbue with the greatness and infamy of Kings.
Satiric
Starbuck was courageous but cautious. See? I can right awesome and impressive non-royal characters! Albion, kiss my blowhole.


Chapter 27 “Knights and Squires”
Serious
Behold this motley crew of stalwart men. They are fierce as any knights of yore, different as night and day, and all under American command.
Satiric
Here’s a great big load of cool characters with informed abilities. This way you’ll care about them when somebody gets killed off.

Chapter 28 “Ahab”
Serious
Ahab was scarred and unsmiling as a statue. Like his kindred, the lightning-cleft tree and the figure of bronze, he did not speak or move.
Satiric
The star character finally appears and does…nothing. But he’s Ahab, and you know he’s cool. Just you wait and see.

Chapter 29 “Enter Ahab, to him, Stubb”
Serious
So all the ship did sail through summer, and Ahab warmed till sleepless. By his heated words, Stubb was badly scalded.
Satiric
Oh how magically pretty the tropics are. The sea sparkles like a Cullen, fit to sooth the angstiest soul! Ahab-STFU furfag! Stub-wtf?! ._.

Chapter 30 The Pipe
Serious
Peg-legged Odin sits uncomfortably. “I’m too tense ter wait fer Ragnerack,” he snarls, and flings his spear into Midgard.
Satirical
“Grrr! I’m too crotchety to smoke,” monologued Ahab, the sea sultan, the president of planks, the constitutional monarch of mariners.

Chapter 31 “Queen Mab”
Serious
So one shark insult banged about in Stubb’s skull all night, that he took heed of white whale warning come the morning.
Satiric
“Flask, don’t mess with Ahab or you’ll spend the night awash in deconstructionist symbolism.” Ahab-Plot point ahead!

Chapter 33 “The Specksynder”
Serious
How fierce and full of diabolic politick is Ahab, but in wind-robed majesty he pays lipservice to the chief harpooner.
Satiric
This seems as good a place as any to set down another unnecessary and self-indulgent tangent.

Chapter 34 “The Cabin-Tale”
Serious
While the harpooners terrified the waiter by rough words and fearsome gestures, captain Ahab kept a tighter rein of terror by loud silence.
Satiric
Wherein the protagonist conducts in-depth examination the sociological and intercultural causes of awkward lunch breaks.

Chapter 36 “The Quarter-Deck”
Serious
“Stay the course, er this mission is accomplished” the stark fanatic cried. A wave of exaltation splashed Starbuck.
Satiric
“Arrr, I be spouting a morally ambivalent philosophy while encouraging these fools to join me. Hark at me fluid symbolism!”

Chapter 37 “Sunset”
Serious
These sailors are enflamed by my passions. The damp sun-stag calls me a mooncalf. My pale adversary flies, and so the fire freezes me.
Satiric
Our hero recounts Ahab sitting alone, scoffing at the charge of madness while warn the whale that he is a choo-choo of vengeance.

Chapter 38 “Dusk”
Serious
Oh dear poor me. The captain’s become a Fascist angel, the crew follow him blindly like pagan apostles. There is fear.
Satirical
Oh blimey oh blimey the captain is cracked! The men have gone round the bend! This fear I feel must be outside, to whet my frontmost end.

Chapter 39 “First Night-Watch”
Serious
Here’s some stubby wisdom for Starbuck, says I, “eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye die.”
Satiric
Ha! Ha ha ha-ack, eeehaack, *turns, expectorates phlegm-ridden gob at audience*. Blimey, this is getting wyrd. Sod it all.

Chapter 40 Midnight/Forcastle
Serious
*All enter, singing* Three cheers for captain Ahab, today to do or die! The sorcerer shouted, “y’all are doomed, says I.”
Satiric
The cast of broad national stereotypes swung on stage, but they crashed into the cast of Treasure Island the musical and sank.